Where In The World Did That One Come From?

Have you ever looked at your now adult child and asked the question,” Where in the world did that one come from?”   We look at our children that have values and morals so different from ours and wonder how they got that way.
 

The truth is that we as parents have a great deal of influence over our children during the first 5 years of life but as soon as they enter school and go out into the world they begin learning about life from other sources.

Television, music and movies are one of the sources that influence our children’s values. Most of us can remember Leave It To Beaver. June Cleaver was always soft spoken, perfectly dressed, and composed at all times. Her husband Ward always knew the right thing to do and say when his children had problems. Beaver and hid big brother Wally got into the normal scrapes that kids do and you never saw the parents lose it and say or do the wrong thing. You never saw June with her hair a mess and a sink piled with dirty dishes as she tended to a sick chills. Wow that lady had it all together at all times. I remember once asking my mother why we did not have a family like the cleavers. She told me that we could not afford a script-writer. Still I formed some of my values of what life and family was all about by watching that shows. Our children do the same thing.

If our children are in a childcare situation because we must work, they pick up the value system of their caretakers. Suddenly the child that always said please and than-you mat start saying “Gimme that” or using other language we do not allow in our homes. Often the child comes back at us with, “Well we don’t have to brush out teeth at Mrs. Jones house.”  At this point it might be good to have a talk with dear Mrs. Jones or find another child care arrangement with values more like our own. 

School is another influence on our children. Suddenly there are other authority figures in our children’s lives that teach them other ways of being. How many times has a child corrected us and said “No my teacher said I have to do it this way.” 

When our children begin to visit the homes of other children they see families that might not do things the same as we do. Having young developing minds they soak up all they see like a sponge and process it into values of their own. Suddenly Mrs. Jones becomes an authority on rules when she lets little Johnny ride his bike without a helmet. How many times have we heard the statement, “Well all the other kids are allowed to. Their parents don’t make them wear a dorky helmet.”  My answer to this is, “Gee its so sad that other parents don’t care but we have rules for your safety and if you want to ride your bike you must wear a helmet.” I then become the meanest Mommy on the block but to me that’s a great title.

As our children age and go off without adult supervision their friends become a huge influence. I remember once when I was about 12 and I was in a store with my friend and she was shoplifting. I said to her, “No that’s stealing.” My friend Laura explained that stealing was taking something that belonged to someone else without asking but taking things from stores was not stealing because no one bought it so no one owned it yet.  Hey that made sense to me so I joined her in taking things and tried to walk out of the store without paying for them.  We were caught, arrested and our parents were called. I soon found out that my friend was wrong. But if the situation ended differently I might have formed a different value from listening to my peer.

So next time when you look at your child and wonder,” Where in the world did that one come from?”  You will know that although you did the best you could with the tools you had to work with at the time. Children learn not just from us their parents but also from the world at large. And as we parent this skipped generation of children we should stay aware of all the things that influence our children’s moral development and monitor the music, videos, TV, and other things that affect our children.