Discipline - The Natural Consequences Method.

The word Discipline means to teach. It does not mean to punish for wrong doings. In order to learn to be responsible adults we must teach our children that rules and limits are for the safety and happiness of the child as well as the whole family.

 Now that we know that spanking just doesn’t work as a method of discipline many parents have turned to “Time Out” and material deprivation as a non-violent substitute. I find that “Time Out” is becoming over used. “Time Out” is a great way to teach children that hitting, and not playing nicely is a natural consequence of that behavior. To the child that makes sense.  If a child is watching too much TV and refusing to do homework and/ or chores taking away the TV makes sense. But taking away the TV for coming home late for dinner just doesn’t make sense to the child. If instead you made the child pay back the time they were overdue at the beginning of the next play date he learns that time is a valuable commodity. 

Someone once said, “Let the punishment fit the crime.” I believe that children learn best when they are allowed to feel and experience the natural consequences of their actions. The only exception to this rule is when the natural consequences will cause far-reaching damage to the child like playing in the street. Rather than let your child get hit by a car you can teach him why playing in the street is a bad idea by placing a head sized pumpkin in the driveway and running over it with your car. Then look at the smashed pumpkin with the child and say, “That could have been your head.

Sending a child to the corner may teach her that writing on the wall makes you angry but it does not teach her why its wrong. Having her scrub the wall will teach her that its hard work to clean up your messes.

If a child takes something that does not belong to him the natural consequence might be that he has to return the item and apologize. If what he took is no longer usable such as hid big brothers candy bar he can be required to pay back big brother by giving up one of his own possessions. Encourage big brother to nicely tell the younger one how it feels when someone takes your things without permission. Remind the child of how he would feel if someone took his things. 

When a child lies you can quickly teach the natural consequences by explaining she has lost your trust and since you cannot believe what she says she must be watched constantly to keep her and others safe. Tell her that once trust has been broken it takes a long time to regain that trust. Then keep the child by your side for a few days so she understands why trust is essential for independence.  When you think she has learned her lesson you can start allowing her to go back to her regular routine. (see the article “Lying”)

 When your teen is playing his music too loud and repeated requests to turn it down fail you can cut off the circuit breaker to his room. When he comes down to see what happened explain that his music was interrupting the household and that the privilege of listening to music comes with the responsibility of making sure his pleasure does not cause others pain. Tell him that you will restore the electricity to his room as soon as he can agree to respect the rights of others. 

If you were behaving consistently rude to me I would probably avoid you. We can teach children that rudeness will not be tolerated by telling him that you respect yourself too much to allow him to treat you that way and you will not listen to him until he speaks in an appropriate manner. If he is being rude to others it might be a good idea to take the other child by the hand and say. “Come on lets go play somewhere else till Jimmy decides to be nicer.”

Never accept excuses or give second chances to a child that behaves inappropriately. It just shows the child that he or she can get away with rule breaking. In the adult world the police officer writes the ticket when he sees you go through the stop sign. He does not accept excuses or give you a second chance. Our children need to learn this lesson early in order to become responsible adults.

These are but a few examples of ways to use the natural consequences method of discipline. They can be adapted to just about any situation. When trouble starts act rather than react. Think first of what the natural consequences would be if an adult were to do the same behavior and impose those consequences safely on the child. Even a teething baby learns not to bite her mother’s breast when Mom cries out “Ouch” and withdraws the source of milk. If a baby can lean so easily so can your child.